No more hiding this is the real me

No more hiding, this is the real me.

Take it or leave.

It is what it is and that’s all that it is!

 

I realized that I have been hiding.

That I have been scared to put my work out into the world.

My real work.

The work that is close to my heart and soul.

Sure, I have done some of this work behind the scenes with some clients and with myself, obviously, but putting it out there, in the “real” world where I can be judged and all of that.

Well, not so much, but I did not even realize that I was doing it.

 

You see, I moved back home to NY about 2.5 years ago.

We were in TX for just over 3 years, and things began to fall apart.

My work there was done.

It had come full circle.

If I am honest with myself, it had come full circle about 5 months prior to that but I just wasn’t ready to make the leap.

I did not realize it at the time.

I hadn’t yet received the awareness, really.

Fully and completely.

Or at least I hadn’t yet admitted it to myself yet.

 

It all started when I booked a family vacation on the coast of Florida that summer for me, John and the kids.

It was going to be our first “real vacation” since moving to TX 3 years prior.

We rented this amazing condo right on the beach and got to wake up to the beautiful crystal clear water and drink our coffee on the balcony and all this other cool stuff.

It was a full 8 days unplugged from the rest of the world, plenty of time to just be.

With the kids.

With my husband.

But mostly with me.

 

There is always something about the ocean and the beach that brings forth so much growth for me.

And the days we spent there were no different.

John and I began to talk.

About how maybe it was time to leave TX.

The truth is it wasn’t what we thought it would be and it wasn’t really where we wanted to be and it never really felt like home.

No matter what we did, it never felt like home.

 

We came home from that FL vacation and we thought about where can we go where we can have this connection to the ocean, the kids could have a great school and we would be happy to call the place home amongst other things.

 

We began searching and searching for the perfect place.

But nothing really sparked our interest.

There always seemed to be a downside to every place we looked at.

 

We did not want to have to move again since just 3 years prior we had uprooted our family and moved to TX on a whim and it just did not go as we thought or turn out the way we had thought and we did not want to put the kids through that again.

The kids were now in grade school and uprooting them again to go somewhere we were not sure was going to work out just did not seem like the right thing to do.

 

We could not find the “perfect place” to call home.

 

So, we thought.

Fuck it.

I guess we’ll just settle here in TX.

I mean it wasn’t that bad. (hint: that was always my motto growing up, it isn’t that bad, deal with it, so this wasn’t anything new, but it really was my first sign that things would not go as I thought)

Right. It really isn’t that bad is it?

I mean after all I was making good money, the kids seemed content, John had a good job, the weather was nice, I had a great circle of friends and connections.

We could make it work.

 

Sure, it never felt like home and we were 7+ hours from the ocean but yeah sure we can deal with it.

 

We started down the path of making it work.

Again.

And settling into making TX our home.

 

We got our ducks in a row and magically got approved for a mortgage to buy a place.

The market in Dallas is crazy.

As in houses go super fast, crazy sellers market where you basically need to pay over market value and compete with lots of other buyers.

Well, at least that is how it was for us.

 

But once, I make a decision.

I make a decision and we were going to make it work.

 

After about a month of searching, we found the perfect place.

Put our offer in and it was accepted.

Things were really flowing.

 

We thought great, we can really make this work.

It felt so good to be buying a house again that the kids could settle into and know that we did not have to uproot them again.

 

Yay, we thought.

 

Until it wasn’t so much yay.

Day by day things began to fall apart.

Day by day things got worse.

 

Weird stuff started to happen.

The house we were renting began to fall apart around us.

Cracks in the foundation…

Cops were harassing us for misunderstandings…

Which lead to more authorities harassing us..

A gas leak and a mini explosion on the block next to us.

A tornado that hit the ground a block away.

And then the straw that broke the camel’s back.

John gets fired.

Out of nowhere.

Less than a week before we are buying our home.

 

I scramble to see what else is possible.

And then I decide.

This shit is not happening to me.

I am creating it.

This is not an accident.

This is me telling myself that I need to look further at this.

 

Sure I was pissed.

I was angry.

I was beyond pissed.

Especially when the seller of the house wanted to keep our deposit, even though, we could no longer get a loan to buy it because John was unexpectedly fired.

 

We re-grouped and went inside for the answers. I went through the same process I alwasy go through whenever I make a big leap, to creating more money, to stepping further into me.

 

What I realized, and of course I knew the entire time that this really was a gift.

I did not want to live in TX any longer.

Don’t get me wrong, TX was great to us.

Moving to TX was one of the best decisions I have ever made and I know that making that decision not only changed the course of my life forever but my kids lives forever too. And generations to come in our family. No doubt.

 

But I think the biggest thing I realized was that the place where my heart was.

Where I really wanted to be.

Was back in NY on Long Island.

 

Sure, it was expensive.

Sure, it was “hard” to make it there.

Sure, my family who I escaped from and went to TX to get away from in the first place was there.

But so was my heart.

 

The truth is, Long Island, NY was my home.

And it was where I wanted to be.

 

But the truth is.

Going back home to NY never crossed my mind as an option.

 

You see, 3+ years ago when we left NY for TX I had to make it NOT an option to ever go back.

 

But after all the work I had done over those past 3+ years in healing myself and getting my life back together, growing myself, my family, my relationships, my business.

It had come full circle and it was time to seriously consider going back home to NY.

 

Once I realized the “real” reason I had not considered it as an option once I had done my shadow work and my healing work and got my feet planted on the ground was because I did not want to be in my old families backyard.

 

I said, fuck that, Kim, you are not the same person that left NY, that person that goes back to NY, is not the same person that left. You are strong and wise and you are on a solid foundation.

It is safe for you to go back home.

 

I called my spiritual advisor and checked in with her, and sure enough, all signs did indeed point to going back home to NY.

We made the decision 2 days before New Years and on New Years Day John drove back home while I stayed with the kids so he could find a job and place for us to live.

 

By February 15th the kids and I moved back home to NY.

Everything just seemed to click into place.

One thing after the next after the next.

Like magic.

 

It all clicked and flowed.

 

When I arrived back home in NY it was so surreal to me.

I remembered the place.

I loved the place.

And yet, something was different.

I felt like I was home but also like something was different.

Of course, something was different.

I was different.

I was a totally different person from the scared little girl that left running for her life to save herself and her family.

 

Things were hard when we got back to NY.

Really fucking hard.

I could not find my flow.

I could not get into the groove.

 

I had purposely ended all my previous business with the full intention of putting my process, my work out into the world that I know I was born to do, empowering other women. (see my story here:https://www.facebook.com/thekimbeckers/posts/10215101092872058 for more details on that). 🙂

 

And well, things just did not work.

 

It was like I was pushing shit up a hill.

And it was getting harder and harder to sludge through the mud.

 

Nearly a year later, 2 days after New Years, we get a phone call from our landlord.

We had 6 months to get out.

We were told we had 4 years.

And here we are less than a year into the lease and well, the folks we rented from their circumstances had changed and we were out.

 

Now, at this time, things had spiraled out of control pretty badly.

I was still trying to find my groove from being back home in NY and I was still not really doing the work that my heart was calling me to do.

I just wasn’t ready to put it out there yet.

 

You see, when I came back home to NY, something got activated in me.

Something that could only get activated to me from being in NY.

I had to walk the path of the rest of this journey to healing my past.

To doing my shadow work.

To really coming full circle.

And, I was not really in a place where I could confidently lead others to walk their path of empowerment.

 

Yet, here we are in this situation, where we have 6 months to find a place and get out.

Now, mind you by this time things had gotten so financially bad that we were scraping together pennies, literally and living on credit cards so that we could pay the rent and keep food on the table and we had $2 in our account to spare.

 

We did not want to ever be in this position again.

Being told that we had to leave.

This position of not having a choice.

This position of being a victim.

This position of having to pull our kids out of school again and move again.

Especially not when we thought we had another 3+ years before we needed to make a move like this.

Especially not with a few dollars in the bank.

 

We wanted to buy a house and settle down.

We wanted to put down roots and make our family feel safe and stable.

Yet. we were barely scraping by.

We had drained all our savings between losing the house in TX and coming back home to NY.

And now we had less than 6 months to find a place, come up with the money and move.

AGAIN.

 

There was no way we were going to rent.

Not after this happened.

We were never going to be in that position again of little choice.

Of being told that we had to leave.

And at that moment we made the decision.

 

We were buying a house.

 

With no money in the bank.

With me struggling again, to make things in my biz work becasue I was really too scared to put my work out their fully.

With less than 6 months to turn this around. Come up with tens of thousands of dollars, find a place, and buy a place, in NY, in a market where houses are selling like hotcakes, and banks are not giving out money, especially to self-employed folks like myself and average closing time of 4-5 months alone, let alone average time to find a place and get an accepted offer in the current market was nearly a year.

 

I did not care.

It did not matter.

Yep, the bank laughed in our face.

Yep, realtors laughed in our face.

 

And 2 days before we had to be out of the place we were renting.

We closed on the perfect home to raise our kids.

 

In less than 6 months we turned everything around.

All because we made the decision to do so.

 

This is the same process I use every single time to make tese big leaps. To defy the odds.

 

And one by one.

Every single thing clicked and clicked and clicked into place.

Like magic.

 

Because I did the real work.

Because I choose for me.

Because I had the courage to stand up for what I wanted.

Because I refused to back down.

Because I refused to be a victim.

Because I refused to let my circumstances control me.

Because I choose what I wanted.

Because I choose me.

 

Part of doing that work involved diving deeper into my shadow.

Deeper into the parts of me I thought I had already healed.

Parts of me I thought were no longer there.

I allowed myself to get angry.

Really angry.

I begged and pleaded with the Universe.

WTF.

I thought it was in alignment to come back to NY.

WTF with everything being so hard.

Out of flow.

Like sludging through the mud.

 

And then I used that anger.

I used that shadow.

And I took back my power.

I stopped being a victim.

 

And it all worked out.

Like magic.

Clients started to show up.

And business began to flow.

Again.

I stopped buying into my BS excuses.

An amazing mortgage broker showed up.

An amazing real estate agent showed up.

The perfect house showed up.

 

And just like that.

It all worked out.

 

Now, of course. It all worked out.

I created it that way.

 

I felt a sigh of relief rush over me.

Myself, John and the kids could not be any happier.

It felt like the last piece of the puzzle to put back together to getting back to where we wanted to be.

We were on the upper swing.

It was perfect.

 

I had purposely set up my biz, again so that my contracts with clients ended at the end of the school year, and when I knew we were going to be moving.

I would take the summer off with the kids.

I would get the house in order and we would get settled.

Then when the kids went back to school I’d get back to working on my biz.

 

In the back of my mind, I thought.

Okay.

First I am going to get some recurring income set up.

Then I will go ahead and take the leap into doing the “real” work I want to do and put out into the world instead of doing it in the shadows.

 

When we moved back to NY a year earlier I had every intention to put this work out into the world that has been on my heart for the past 5 years.

But. You know life got in the way.

The truth was.

I still had more work of my own to do.

Before I could put this out into the world in the way that I wanted to.

 

So, I did the work in secret with my clients.

Some of the work.

Not all of it.

All of it I was not yet ready to reveal.

 

And then.

Things started to fall apart again.

 

FUCK.

Again.

Shit not working.

 

I knew this was the perfect house for us.

I knew this is where we were meant to be.

So WTF with shit getting so damn hard.

Again.

 

Things spiraled out of control over the next 10 months.

My oldest, Kyle, now 10, took a hard hit at karate and has been having neurological problems ever since.

10+ months later and the poor kid was still suffering.

And it was the perfect distraction for me.

Afterall, I had “no choice” but to take care of him.

Doctor after doctor after doctor.

But he just got worse and worse.

 

The school would call on an almost daily basis about the
problems arising in school and how he was ill again.

I’d have to stop what I was doing, pick him up and tend to him.

Then chase doctors and some more doctors.

Testing and more testing.

ER visits.

You name it.

But things were getting worse.

10+ months into it and there was no relief in sight.

 

Then, I get the light bulb moment.

Hmm.

This is interesting.

When I started to tap into it. I realized that his head injury wasn’t actually the beginning, it only appeared to be.

The head injury was actually a distraction from the truth.

 

I started asking more questions.

And tuning into my intuition.

It was just too “coincidental” that the problems my son was experiencing came on the heels of buying a home in my old neck of the woods, nearby where I grew up, in fact, he was attending the same school I went to as a little girl.

And it was totally throwing me off my path too.

Like nothing was working the way it used to work.

Things again were not flowing.

And my son was sick.

And getting worse.

 

I really needed to get to the bottom of this.

And figure it out.

I began to go through my process.

The same process I have been going through for the past 5 or so years now.

The same process I went through when we got ourselves in a position to buy the house in the first place.

The same process I went through to make $120k in sales in 1 day.

 

It’s kind of like duh.

Why didn’t you do this sooner?

Why didn’t you think of it sooner?

 

I knew the answers the entire time.

Of course, I did.

I always do.

You always do.

We all, always do.

 

But awareness is key.

And until you are ready to actually do something with it.

Well, it doesn’t really matter, does it?

 

I tune in and realize, oh crap, I think these problems my son is dealing with are rooted from me.

It felt like it was tangled up from my childhood.

Like something had gotten activated a year ago when we bought the house.

 

I enlisted the help of a trusted friend and advisor.

And sure enough.

It was true.

Entanglement.

From my past.

From our pasts.

From when he was in utero.

From when I first started to actually deal with the abuse I had faced as a child.

Some 11+ odd years ago.

That got activated once we moved back home to “my” old neck of the woods, and he was going to my old school.

 

Through my process.

And this work I realized.

This is never going to go away.

There is always going to be another level.

There is always going to be another layer to unravel.

 

And that my time to put the work out into the world that I really want to do is NOW!

The work that I have been doing behind the scenes as I “try” to get my ducks in a row with making sure I am taken care of and safe and secure and have it all figured out and perfect.

It’s a lie.

It’s a facade.

It’s an illusion.

 

I am being called to be a leader.

I have been called to be a leader for 5+ years now.

I had my first glimpse of this movement 5+ years ago.

But I wasn’t ready.

I still had work to do.

I still had wounds to heal.

I still had layers to shed.

I still needed to come back home.

Symbolically to NY.

But literally to me.

 

And so now, here I am.

Here.

In NY.

In my home.

Home in me.

 

My son is getting better.

Things are turning around.

 

I am letting go of the fear.

Of being judged.

Of not being good enough.

The next layer of shame disappearing.

 

And I am stepping up and stepping out.

And I am sharing.

These vulnerable things with you.

My personal truth.

 

And now, my process.

 

How I make these shifts.

These quantum leaps.

My business knowledge yes,

But also my experience.

My wisdom.

My energy.

My strength,

My courage.

My conviction.

 

Are you ready?

 

I know that I am.

 

It’s time.

To rise up.

To unleash the real you.

To stop hiding.

To stop pretending like everything’s okay.

 

Are you ready?

 

To unleash your true potential?

 

To free your fears.

 

Let’s do this together, being an online entrepreneur can be a lonely scary place, especially when you are fighting those little demons, aka monkey mind in your head that keeps whispering “you’re not good enough”, “you’re not worthy”, “you can’t do it as great as she can”, “you have to work harder”, “you gotta go faster”.

 

You have to do it by yourself, but you certainly don’t have to do it alone. I know first hand how scary it is taking the leap into creating a biz that actually serves you instead of you feeling like you are chained to your biz and I invite you to join me on this journey. Together we can do so much more than we can apart. I fully believe that we can be, do and have it all, I don’t have it all figured out quite yet (but that’s kind of the point right, otherwise we wouldn’t be here, right?!)

 

So, are you ready?

 

Are you ready to create spiritual liberation + financial freedom?

 

To finally stop giving a crap what other people are doing, how they are doing it and wondering if you are good enough?

 

To take down the facade?

To take down the barriers?

To release the shame?

To release the anger?

To release the guilt?

To release the worry?

To transform the fear into your superpowers?

To stop pretending and start living?

 

Are you ready to transform your fears into your superpowers so that you can make the money you truly desire, to live the life you really desire + have freedom + fulfillment?

 

Making money and creating your business doesn’t have to be hard.

 

The business of business is easy for me, the biz strategies are a given when you work with me, I am a fierce businesswoman and I am deeply committed to helping you get results in your business bank account.

 

I am also as fiercely committed to helping you take down the facade and break down the barriers that are keeping you stuck so that you can create a sustainable business because they are what keeps you unfulfilled, and stuck on many levels but also keeps you living a lie, and when you live a lie you cannot have soul satisfaction, it’s not sustainable, which is why you keep moving onto the next bright shiny object.

So, are you ready!?

 

Reply to this email and let me know if you are ready?

I am going to share with you and other powerful women who are ready to take their place at the head of the table and be the queen they were meant to be and finally create a life and business they desire being all of them, warts, pimples, jiggly legs, saggy breasts, and all.

 

Are you ready to stop hiding?

Are you ready to stop playing small?

Are you ready to take control of your life and get everything you want?

Go here and let me know now! 

I can’t wait to hear from you.

So much love.

xox, Kim

P.S. Not ready to work with 1:1 I invite you to rock your power on your own. 10 days to rock your power is here.