Things Aren’t Always What They Appear to be.

Mindset hack: things are not always what they seem to be.

Things are not always what they appear to be.

 

From the outside looking in, sometimes, you just can’t tell.

 

I’ve been sitting here, down at the beach, on this makeshift blanket, journaling my little heart out, Summer is playing in the water with John while Kyle lays beside, taking a rest from the fun of it all to hang out with me, beside me and just enJoy the moment.

 

The beach is pretty empty considering it’s the first nice true beach day that we’ve had in over a week and I can’t help but be filled with gratitude.

 

As I look across the beach, across the sound I think about how far I’ve come and how cool it is to be one of the “lucky“ ones for sitting here at the beach at this moment on a Friday morning.

 

I may not have all the things I want, yet.

But I also know that really just beginning.

 

Beginning.

To create this life.

On purpose.

With the things that are important to me.

The things that matter.

 

In right here, right now, I have those thanks.

Sometimes, it’s easy to forget, that the truth is, the things that really matter to me, I already have.

It’s easy to forget when you’re chasing those dreams, in the grind of it all in the hustle and bustle of it all.

In life.

 

But really the things that are important to me, that matter to me, beach days, spending time with my kids, with my husband, getting to know them.

Getting to know me.

It’s kind of funny because all I want to do with his fire them, to guide them to live their best life.

To go after their dreams.

To know that anything and everything is possible. For them, for everyone.

For all of us.

That they have this unbelievable power inside of them.

The power that creates the world and universe is pulsing through their veins.

 

I have these conversations with them often.

Going deeper each time as they are only 10 and six yet wise beyond your years.

The truth is they already know.

They still remember.

Who they are.

Who they really are.

 

They have become my biggest teachers.

To living in the moment.

To remembering who we are.

That power inside of us.

 

I think about how long is actually taken to get me he Who they are.

Who they really are.

 

They have become my biggest teachers.

To living in the moment.

To remembering who we are.

To awakening that power inside of us.

 

I think about how long is actually taken to get  here. Where I am right now.

 

Sitting here, on the beach, with my kids, with my husband, with my journal, as always, lol.

It wasn’t always like this.

It’s taken a lot.

Shit, its taken most of my life to get here.

 

From the outside looking in it’s like the same place.

Like we’ve traveled back in time, yet we are not the same.

 

In the same place.

Sitting on the same beach.

Looking across to Connecticut.

The same beach I grew up on.

Where I learned to swim.

Where I learned to waterski.

Where I learned to drive a jetski.

Where I learned to drive a boat.

Heck, where I even learned how to drive a stick shift in the parking lot in the winter.lol

And, many, many more things.

As that is just the beginning.

I grew up on this beach, a ways down from the public beach, but this beach indeed.

In many ways, mostly too quickly.

 

Are used to walk this bitch years ago. When I was younger. It’ll last.

In looking for that serenity.

That peace.

Now I just go there.

Inside of me.

 

I didn’t used to know that I could do that.

Get to that place that was inside of me why I thought safe.

 

Those same fond memories are still twisted up with hurt and pain.

But I’m not that same person that was running.

Hiding from it.

Trying to escape the pain and shame and hurt and heavy heart.

Scared for her life.

No.

I’m not that little girl anymore.

 

Now I am brace her, love her, feel her, allow her to be.

That same little girl that used to dream about running away and ending at all.

So the pain was stopped yet too scared of what might happen to my family, my mom, my brothers and sisters if I did.

I took on that responsibility, that wasn’t mine to bare, and wore it like a badge of honor.

That same responsibility that helped to mold me into the powerful, badass person I am today.

So I stayed, for years, stuck and scared to death of what could happen.

Never really feeling safe.

 

Then I began to wake up, slowly, ever so slowly.

Especially in the beginning.

Making moves, and deciding little by little taking back my life that was stolen from me, robbed from me.

Slowly but surely I began to stand.

For me.

For what I wanted.

For who I was.

For who I wanted to be.

For what I wanted to do.

For what I wanted to become.

 

In the beginning, many moons ago, it was harder than it is now.

The consequences were severe.

But I still took a stand anyway.

But the programming.

Back than, was strong and fierce.

It ran deep.

For generations, and generations.

 

I was programmed, before I was even born, perhaps you were too?

To play it safe.

To not task risks.

To not rock the boat.

 

And if you did.

 

Oh, if if you did.

There was indeed a price to pay.

 

Sometimes, I would pay with mere inches of my life.

Sometimes, I literally paid the price, in cash, the price for walking away from things that were no longer working while staying true to my word to pay and follow through and be in integrity.

 

But mostly, it was hard.

There was a price to pay for standing up for you.

For what you wanted.

That you couldn’t do that.

That it wasn’t proper.

Or even okay.

Who did I think I was?

 

There was always a price to pay.

Usually, one you did not want to pay but also could not bear to not pay. For your soul was on the line.

Sometimes, those decisions that you make.

To take a stand.

And stand up for you.

You pay for them for a long time.

But really.

I’ve learned, its a decision, too.

Sure, there is karma. And there are indeed consequences to all the decisions you make.

Energetic and otherwise, consequences.

But there is no price to pay.

That’s a program.

That’s something that can be changed if you choose.

 

But I did not always know that.

Especially not in the beginning.

I was just waking up.

Just getting that spark.

That there was something more to this life.

To us.

To us being.

 

But, no matter what, even before I knew this, back then.

There were certain places I drew the line.

When I was aware.

And awake, there was no way I would pay the ultimate price.

My soul.

Thanks, but no thanks, it’s just not how I roll.

 

Slowly and surely I began to pull myself away from this illusion of “safety” that exists outside yourself.

Away from my ego.

Away from my biological family.

That was always calling me in.

Luring me in.

To the illusion of “safety”.

 

And, I almost got away.

I almost broke free.

Back than.

Before my first son was born.

So close, yet so far.

But being close. It doesn’t really count.

Not when you are talking about your soul.

ANd I slowly but surely got sucked back in.

I guess the truth is, that I know now, is I never really did get out.

That, that was an illusion as well.

I was really just stuck in a holding pattern of “safety” and pretending that it wasn’t that bad.

And boy was I good at that game.

Shit, it was the theme song for the majority of my life.

It’s not that bad, deal with it.

 

But that wasn’t my story, my song, I inherited that, I adopted it.

From my mom.

And she from hers.

And back. Generations.

Ist not that bad, deal with it.

It was passed down like a freaking badge of honor to the women in the family.

Well, fuck you, I don’t want it, and I am not taking it, not anymore, not now.

I’ve come too far.

I know too much.

 

But, I was good at this game.

I mean, I was better than my mom.

But you know what they say, learn from the best to be the best.

 

But, I’d get these nudges.

I know mom did too. I can see them now, looking about on her life and our time together.

I know that she tried but I also know that she gave up.

The truth is, she never thought she was worth it.

But me.

I know better than that.

I know that I am worth it.

That my kids are worth it.

That my precious baby girl is worth it.

That you are worth it.

That we all are worth it.

 

So, yeah, Id get these nudges from my soul along the way as she was trying to guide me to true safety and security, within myself.

The same safety and security that is inside of you.

Not the safety that society teaches us.

To play it safe.

Not be a good girl.

To have a backup plan.

To not rock the boat.

That safety is an illusion.

 

An illusion designed to keep us stuck, looking outside of ourselves for the answers we seek to the questions that can only be answered within.

 

That safety and security that you are seeking outside of yourself.

That is inside of you.

That is inside of all of us.

There isn’t anything that we desire that is not already inside of us.

I know that now.

And I know that I know.

But I didn’t back then.

Not yet.

Not fully.

 

However, you can only pretend for so long.

That this perceived safety and security makes you happy.

Makes you feel alive.

Makes you feel like you have a life that’s worth living.

At least, that is how it was for me.

For I could no longer pretend.

I wanted more than that out of life.

 

Don’t you?

 

I mean having all the bright shiny objects that society says we should want, the house, the cars, the boat, the retirement accounts, the bank account. What does it really matter if you aren’t happy and fulfilled?

I mean what do you really do when you seem to have it all but nothing?

When your soul is craving to be alive, to live, to express itself?

And there you are playing it safe?

Playing by all the rules?

 

Is that how you want to live?

 

I know that is not how I wanted to live, or how I want to live now, no way.

Thanks but no thanks.

 

So what are you to do?

 

What can you do?

 

To find the missing spark?

Your passion?

Your joy?

Your fulfillment?

Your calling?

 

When you seem to have it all?

The house, the cars, the boat, the retirement accounts, the bank accounts, the budding family?

 

From the outside, looking in?

You have got your ducks in a row.

 

But on the inside?

 

You are dying!

You are looking for a way out of this prison of “safety” that you have created.

This prison that leads you right into the lion’s den.

This prison that is anything but safe!

 

What do you do?

 

I suppose you do what I did.

 

You question it all.

You start walking down a different path.

You take the road less traveled.

You start to wake up.

 

At first, it was exciting.

To realize that you have this power inside of you.

This power beyond your hard work, and willpower and determination. Those I always had, and always knew that I did, that is what life taught me, you want something. You go for it. You take it. You work hard, you put in your time. You do the thing that gets the result at all costs.

 

But what happens when you come up against your shit?

 

At first, I ran.

I retreated.

I did not want to deal with it.

ANy of it.

Not really.

It hurt.

It was painful.

It was shameful.

 

Plus, don’t you have your shit together?

 

Well, if you do, then why are you not happy?

Unsatisfied?

Working your finger to the bone?

Feel like you are dying inside?

 

You gotta get to that place.

Inside of you.

Where the fear of staying where you are is greater than the fear of not doing anything about it.

And.

And, you gotta face your shit.

 

But first.

Perhaps like me.

Like I did.

You will pull away.

You will pull closer.

Closer.

Closer.

Closer to the very things that are in fact, your kryptonite.

And give into the illusion of “safety” and “security” outside of you.

 

Until one day.

You wake up.

 

And you really wake up.

And you become aware.

ANd you now know things that you can’t un-know.

That you can no longer ignore, and pretend that you don’t.

 

You wake up.

Eyes wide open.

Perhaps for the first time.

 

I got my wake up call many moons ago.

5 deaths of friends, colleagues, and family members in a matter of a few weeks.

That begins to wake you up.

Especially when you have kids.

And you realize you don’t want them to repeat the same shitty life you had.

That you don’t want their theme song running the majority of their life to be “It’s not that bad, deal with it”.

 

Thanks but no thanks.

I don’t want to be that person.

I don’t want that life for my kids.

For my family.

For me.

 

So you wake up.

This time for real.

And you do the work.

The real work.

You look yourself in the mirror and you look at your life and you start to question it all.

The meaning of it all.

You begin to contemplate life itself.

And you start to ask yourself the tough questions.

You start down the path of awakening more.

Again.

But this time for real.

For now, you have seen what you cannot unsee.

For now, you know what you can’t unknow.

For now, you are aware of things you cannot be unaware of, ever again.

 

This time.

You go all in.

You really go all in.

You leave no stone unturned.

You question it all.

What you have done.

Who you have become and why.

And you decide you want it all.

That you are going to find what it is you are looking for.

That you are going to get what it is you want.

Deep soul satisfaction.

Happiness.

Joy.

Peace.

freedom.

You decide.

And you keep on deciding every single day.

And you keep on doing the work.

You leave no stone unturned and you get all close and personal with your own shit.

You look at it, you take it in, you keep on looking.

You feel it.

The hurt.

The pain.

The shame.

The guilt.

You feel it all.

The unpleasant emotions.

You allow them to come to the surface.

From where they have been buried.

Deep.

Deep.

Deep.

Within in you.

Where you thought they could not hurt you, or have a hold on you.

That you have been hiding away.

Tucking away.

For years.

For a lifetime.

And you, heal it.

You transform it.

You allow yourself to go deeper.

Deeper.

Deeper.

Deeper.

Into you.

You dive deep.

Into your shadow.

And then you dive deeper still.

Into the depths of your heart and soul and mind.

And you learn to use it.

To transform it.

And than.

You come back to this place.

Full circle.

Having the things you had before.

The very things that you gave up.

To get here.

To this place.

Sitting here.

On this beach.

The very beach you grew up on.

All those years ago.

Now sitting here.

Playing here.

With your family, your kids, your husband.

 

And you remember.

Just how far you have come.

 

But from the outside looking in.

It doesn’t appear that much has changed.

But on the inside.

Where it matters.

It did.

And continues.

For you are no longer that lost little girl.

That frightened little girl.

That girl who feared for her life.

 

No, you are a strong woman.

A mother.

A wife.

A changemaker.

A guide.

A movement creator.

 

xox, Kim

 

P.S. Are you ready to Rock Your Limits® and Power Your Potential™?

 

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Comment below, PM me here or go here now to get started: https://rockyourlimits.com/get-started and let me know.

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Are you ready to go from victim to victor?

 

Are you ready to take control of your life and get everything you want?

 

Comment below, PM me here or go here now to get started: https://rockyourlimits.com/get-started and let me know.

 

I can’t wait to hear from you.

 

So much love. xox, Kim